You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
