I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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