Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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