Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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