Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
