Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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