"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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