One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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