the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
