true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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