it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
