Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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