come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
