The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize