just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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