dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
