He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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