Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
