What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
