Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
