my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
