What a fucking waste of an outfit
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
