I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
