I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
