Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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