Will you blow on my dice?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My liver just had a heart attack.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
