I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
