When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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