if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
