So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
