Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
