put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
