The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize