Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
