There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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