Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize