Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
