You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
