Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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