Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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