Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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