So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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