This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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