I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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