Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
