your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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