I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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