I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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