We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you win again, gameday.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
