im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And the cops told us we were all naked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
