Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
