she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
