i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
