I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
