You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
