if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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