so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
