why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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