Soap is not a condiment
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
