Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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