So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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