I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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