There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
