I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
