hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My vagina just recognized that song.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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