you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
