were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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