Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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