Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
