There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
