I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize