Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are leaves in my underwear?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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