Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
