i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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