What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
