Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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