I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My hand turned me down
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
