john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
