Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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