your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
