I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
