I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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