The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A+ Viking dick
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
