Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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