can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Randomize
