He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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