Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
