Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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