I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
