I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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