Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
