had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
