I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
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