from now on my penis is your penis
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i've created a new STD.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
