I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
