I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
