I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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