When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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