After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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