i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
