Non-Jews are for practice
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
