Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize